Self-denial and Psycho-ing in Progress
Thursday, June 21, 2007
I know I shouldn't be here. I should be off mugging like a madwoman now.. Sigh. I wish I have more time; I can't finish studying all the subjects. Argh. I'm still left with 5 sets of notes for Chemistry, 1 for Physics, and I haven't touched anything for GP, Econs and Math. And of those that I've gone through, I'm not sure if I can apply them to solve the questions 'cos like I've only READ through them. I know my Math is a goner for sure; I can't even do the normal tutorial questions.
Anyway, just watched this show on AXN - Homeless to Harvard. I think it's quite a nice, and to add to it, it's a true story. The hardwork and determination that Liz exihibited in order to break out of the cycle of poverty was kinda inspiring. I mean we are really fortunate compared to her. Her parents both do drugs, her mom died of AIDS and her dad's living with it. She's got to fight for her chance to study (while I'm like wastng my time away in school.) When she finally was able to go to shcool, she had to get her dad to lie about having a job and giving them bogus address and phone number. She had to work and study at the same time and earn her scholarship so she can go on to college. And she was able to work her way to Harvard. I think it's kinda amazing.. and she thinks she's fortunate and her past are a part of her. I think if I were in her shoes, I'd probably have died or waste my entire whole life away or what not.
I need to change myself..
But I'm like always saying this and doing the other way..
Anyway, I seem to have an inkling of what I wanna do in the future. I wanna have a job that helps and save children. Maybe not in the literal sense of saving, but.. I don't know.. Maybe I'll search around and see what courses are there..
I've been thinking.. Much as I don't wanna grow up, it's a fact and natural process that I can do nothing about. I'm already 18, and I think that's really old 'cos it's going to be starting with a '2' soon. I can't continue playing and wasting my life away. I'll ultimately have to go out to work and blahblahblah. I won't be 18 forever. So why am I wasting my life by not studying now? I have to do something to decide my own future and not wait for fate or whatever to dictate what I'm going to be. If I don't study, it's clear what will become of me. I'm not like those pople who have lots of drive and determination and entrepreneurship and what not, and can succeed in life even if they don't have a degree. Even with a degree I may not even succeed. My ex tuition teacher said this to me: Do you want to get good results and choose the course you want, or let the course choose you? Of course choosing the course you want and to get into it is the best. Why get results that are not good, and had to be disappointed time and again until there's a course that has a vacancy 'cos not many want to be in it? And that's the course you get in.. And it's not what you want. It's better to be able to decide for yourself where you wanna go in the future instead of letting the course steer you into your future path.
I've been thinking about these quite alot before I sleep each night.
I think this post is more of like something to psycho myself to really get down to work. I need to psycho myself hard.
**amoi** XD
5:13 PM
Monday, June 11, 2007
You are The Sun
Happiness, Content, Joy.
The meanings for the Sun are fairly simple and consistent.
Young, healthy, new, fresh. The brain is working, things that were muddled come clear, everything falls into place, and everything seems to go your way.
The Sun is ruled by the Sun, of course. This is the light that comes after the long dark night, Apollo to the Moon's Diana. A positive card, it promises you your day in the sun. Glory, gain, triumph, pleasure, truth, success. As the moon symbolized inspiration from the unconscious, from dreams, this card symbolizes discoveries made fully consciousness and wide awake. You have an understanding and enjoyment of science and math, beautifully constructed music, carefully reasoned philosophy. It is a card of intellect, clarity of mind, and feelings of youthful energy.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
**amoi** XD
11:06 PM
